Are you suffering from codependency?

Posted by on Feb 4, 2016 in Family, Obstacles

Codependency is an addiction to people, behaviors, or things. Do you… 1.   deny your feelings stuffing them deep inside of you? 2.   anticipate the needs of other people, but unaware of your needs? 3.   feel like a victim stuck with no way out? 4.   deny reality to cope in your codependent world? 5.   allow the ghosts of your past to torment you? 6.   always give but never receive? 7.   attempt to control people, behavior, and things? 8.   assume responsibility for the choices people make? 9.   suffer from lack of boundaries in your life? 10. have difficulty setting boundaries? 11. allow people to consume your thoughts? 12. allow other people to control and manipulate you? 13. experience difficulty making decisions and distrust the decisions you have made? 14. seek to please people fearing rejection? 15. have difficulty saying “No” without feeling guilty? 16. live in denial, anxiety, and fear? 17. define yourself by your relationships? 18. look to others as the source of your fulfillment and happiness? 19. have a habit that dominates or continues to repeat itself in your life? 20. know there is something missing inside of you? 21. confuse compassion, pity, or comfort for love? 22. know your faults and take responsibility or do you shun responsibility? 23. take better care of people in your life than yourself? 24. suffer from wavering between dependence and interdependence? 25. feel unloved and empty? Jesus said, “The truth shall set you free.” John 8:32 Codependents want control and the thought of giving up control is frightening as fear rises choking the life out of us. We feel like we are losing ourselves and dying as we give up control. Trust is difficult. Feeling unloved and unlovable we hold onto anger, resentment, and fear. Facing our fears, relinquishing and surrendering ourselves to God is the beginning of healing. In the past I doubted God loved me or even knew who I was. My head said He loved me, but my heart doubted Him. Are you there? Have you been there? I questioned Him and was angry. God is so good and patient with us. He whispers in our heartaches, tears, and unbelief. He loves us in and through the pain. Surrendering and walking in fellowship with Him, engaging in conversation throughout the day, makes the painful recovery process easier. Run to Him. Rest in His loving arms as He walks with you on the road to recovery. Trust Him. He loves you. Brenda Luther Thirteen One Coaching February 2, 2016...

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13 Ways to Show Your Love

Posted by on May 18, 2015 in Family, Marriage Tips, Personal Growth Tips, Spiritual Help, Values

  Attributes of love… 1.  is patient 2.  is kind 3.  is not jealous 4.  is not boastful, proud, or rude 5.  does not demand 6.  is not irritable 7.  keeps no record of wrong 8.  is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out 9.  never gives up 10.  never loses faith 11.  is always hopeful 12.  endures through every circumstance 13.  will last forever Love is defined in I Corinthians 13:4-8 giving us a description of God’s kind of love. Our selfish nature goes against this kind of love because it is selfless and not focused on our needs, but on the needs of others. To love directing love outward and not inward toward ourselves we need God’s help to set aside our selfish nature. The more Christlike we become the more love we can receive and share. Faith, hope, and love are intertwined together. It takes faith, hope in the power of God, and acts of commitment and sacrifice as we allow God to love others through us expecting nothing in return. “…but if I didn’t love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.” I Corinthians 13:1-3 brenda luther     thirteenonecoaching.com    ...

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13 Things I am Thankful for Today

Posted by on May 5, 2015 in Action Steps, Family, Personal Growth Tips, Spiritual Help

1.  Family – their love, hugs, laughter 2.  Jesus – that He was willing to die for my sins 3.  Health – although there are days I may not feel good, there are more good than bad days 4.  Sunshine – I love the sunshine. It always reminds me that God is with me 5.  Blue skies filled with white fluffy clouds 6.  Rain – the world looks so beautiful, fresh, and new after the rain 7.  Rainbows – a reminder of God’s love and His promises 8.  Spring time when all the flowers bloom and the grass and the trees turn green 9.  Birds chirping in the early morning hours sharing their songs with the world 10. My Mother who read to me as a child and taught me about God 11.  Friends who walk the journey of life with me 12.  Pastor Jonathan Robbins at The Summit Church whose sermons convict me, encourage me, and fill me with the desire to know God more intimately, and to share God’s love with others 13.  God for His love, mercy, and grace that carries me through each moment of the day and His Word that often convicts me but soothes my soul and gives me guidance When we step back and look at our lives we are so blessed. Instead of dwelling on the negative aspects of your life today, “count your blessings”. Some days it may be difficult due to circumstances in your life to think of one thing you are thankful for because it is difficult to drag your body out of  bed and face the day. You want to curl up in the warm covers and escape the world and the challenges it offers today. I understand. We have all been there. Start your day before you jump out of bed with a prayer to God thanking Him for His blessings and thank Him for walking alongside you today holding your right hand through each difficult moment, loving you, giving you strength, and encouraging  you. Soon those difficult days will turn into days filled with moments of joy and peace as you become ware of God and His love for you.           “Praise the Lord!          Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!                 His faithful love endures forever.”  Psalm 106:1 Brenda Luther          ThirteenOneCoaching.com               brenda@thirteenonecoaching.com    ...

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Trust, Delight, Commit All to God

Posted by on Apr 14, 2015 in Accountability, Action Steps, Family, Personal Growth Tips, Spiritual Help

In Psalm 37 David calls us to trust, delight in God, and commit all we have and all we are to Him including our families, our job, and our finances. Get into God’s Word, get to know Him, spend time in prayer, and fellowship with your Heavenly Father. We cannot trust someone we do not know. When struggling with the desire to trust God ask yourself, “What do I have the power to control?” The answer is nothing. Surrender to God all that you are, all that you have, all that you hope to have, all that you desire to be and peace comes. Remember the song “I Surrender All?” Surrendering all to Jesus is a daily, moment by moment action we take. Give up the fretting and worrying and replace those emotions and thoughts with trusting God, relying upon Him to provide and expect Him to do so. Surrender yourself completely to God. “Don’t worry about the wicked. Don’t envy those who do wrong. For like grass, they soon fade away. Like springtime flowers, they soon wither. Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. He will make your innocence as clear as the dawn, and the justice of your case will shine like the noonday sun. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop your anger! Turn from your rage! Do not envy others — it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.” Psalm 36:1-9 (NLT) The keys to surrender in these verses are don’t worry, trust, delight, commit, be still, and refrain from anger. When God asks us to do something He backs it up with a promise, a blessing as in Psalm 37:11. “But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace.” (NLT) When we commit to God He gives us the wisdom to know what to change and what to accept. Release all to Him and enjoy the peace that only our God can give to us. “God blesses those who are gentle and lowly, for the whole earth will belong to them.” Matthew 5:5 (NLT) Everything that comes into our lives is designed with God’s purpose in mind as He molds us and makes us into what He desires for us to be. Often I get busy and consumed with daily activities and forget that what is best for me is moment by moment surrender of me to God who created me, calls me His child, and desires His best for me....

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Hurt, Guilt, Anger, Forgiveness

Posted by on Mar 30, 2015 in Action Steps, Family, Personal Growth Tips, Spiritual Help

I want to recommend a powerful book to you – When God Stopped Keeping Score…How to Break Free From a A Past Filled With Hurt, Guilt and Anger Through The Power Of Forgiveness by R.A. Clark. We have all suffered through anger, resentment, pain, and guilt. The question is are we still allowing ourselves to suffer because of things that have happened to us in the present or the past? Love is often hard when we observe so much hate in the world. This book is the first step on your journey to become all that God intended for you to be when He created you. My pastor said, “Forgiveness is the best gift you can give someone.” Forgiveness is also one of the best gifts you can give yourself. Brenda    ...

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