Are you suffering from codependency?

Posted by on Feb 4, 2016 in Family, Obstacles

Codependency is an addiction to people, behaviors, or things. Do you… 1.   deny your feelings stuffing them deep inside of you? 2.   anticipate the needs of other people, but unaware of your needs? 3.   feel like a victim stuck with no way out? 4.   deny reality to cope in your codependent world? 5.   allow the ghosts of your past to torment you? 6.   always give but never receive? 7.   attempt to control people, behavior, and things? 8.   assume responsibility for the choices people make? 9.   suffer from lack of boundaries in your life? 10. have difficulty setting boundaries? 11. allow people to consume your thoughts? 12. allow other people to control and manipulate you? 13. experience difficulty making decisions and distrust the decisions you have made? 14. seek to please people fearing rejection? 15. have difficulty saying “No” without feeling guilty? 16. live in denial, anxiety, and fear? 17. define yourself by your relationships? 18. look to others as the source of your fulfillment and happiness? 19. have a habit that dominates or continues to repeat itself in your life? 20. know there is something missing inside of you? 21. confuse compassion, pity, or comfort for love? 22. know your faults and take responsibility or do you shun responsibility? 23. take better care of people in your life than yourself? 24. suffer from wavering between dependence and interdependence? 25. feel unloved and empty? Jesus said, “The truth shall set you free.” John 8:32 Codependents want control and the thought of giving up control is frightening as fear rises choking the life out of us. We feel like we are losing ourselves and dying as we give up control. Trust is difficult. Feeling unloved and unlovable we hold onto anger, resentment, and fear. Facing our fears, relinquishing and surrendering ourselves to God is the beginning of healing. In the past I doubted God loved me or even knew who I was. My head said He loved me, but my heart doubted Him. Are you there? Have you been there? I questioned Him and was angry. God is so good and patient with us. He whispers in our heartaches, tears, and unbelief. He loves us in and through the pain. Surrendering and walking in fellowship with Him, engaging in conversation throughout the day, makes the painful recovery process easier. Run to Him. Rest in His loving arms as He walks with you on the road to recovery. Trust Him. He loves you. Brenda Luther Thirteen One Coaching February 2, 2016...

Read More »

God’s Grace…Is it Sufficient?

Posted by on Sep 22, 2015 in Obstacles, Personal Growth Tips, Spiritual Help

  “God’s Grace…Is it Sufficient? Journeying through life, encountering problems, suffering emotionally, lacking motivation, and trudging along the path questions invade our mind about God’s grace. Moments of indecision wavering with the sufficiency of God in the search for resolution and the struggle to trust God. 1.  The lack of joy or motivation in your spirit raises the question “God’s Grace…Is it Sufficient?” 2.  When conflict with loved ones causes you to question your actions and your motivates. 3.   A family member or friend suffers from sickness and answers to prayers do not come.  “God’s Grace…Is it Sufficient?” 4.   Life is full of uncertainty and your thoughts are in turmoil. 5.   Although you are reading your Bible, praying, attending church, and seeking God you feel your spiritual life is stagnant. Your spirit seems cold and unyielding and God seems far away. 6.   People fail you and you are disappointed and fail to understand. Questions flood your mind. 7.   The darkness surrounds you and fear invades your spirit as you search for meaning in your life. 8.   God seems far away and you feel empty inside wondering, “Where is God?” 9.   Something is missing in your life and you wonder, “What am I missing?” 10. The questions come when jobs are lost, finances are in disarray, and there appears to be no hope. 11. God is silent and you wonder, “Has God forgotten me?” 12. The questions arise, “Does God love me?” 13. Where is God in your time of doubt, sadness, wandering, floundering, and questioning Him? It is impossible to figure out life on your own without God. He is with you, walking beside you, guiding, and leading you along the path He has laid out for you. Following Him when you question, “God’s Grace…Is it Sufficient?” Experiencing feelings of being forsaken, rejected, and alone you continue to seek Him knowing in your heart that He is sufficient for all your needs. Whatever I have, whoever I am, I can make it through anything with God who gives me strength. Philippines 4:13 I command you–be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you, wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 …Nothing is too hard for God. Jeremiah 32:17 Paul pleaded for the Lord to remove a thorn in his flesh, and the Lord replied, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” II Corinthians 12:9            God displays His power in weaknesses giving hope and courage to trust Him. Trusting in Him, He gives what is needed. Discussing weaknesses is not a joyful topic. The desire to be strong and self-sufficient is the goal. God has other plans. He desires for strength and sufficiency to come from faith and trust in Him. Our faith falters in the attempt...

Read More »

13 Recommended Books

Posted by on May 25, 2015 in Marriage Tips, Obstacles, Personal Growth Tips, Spiritual Help

These are a few of the books that have impacted my life. I have been a lover of books and an avid reader since I was a young child. My first book that I remember not counting the Bible was The Wizard of Oz given to me when I was six years old.  Books can take you places you have never been, teach you things you did not know, and enrich your life. If you are not a reader, you are missing out on so much good stuff. My mother taught me to love books. My earliest memories of my childhood are of my mother reading stories about God to my siblings and me at bedtime and then we would knell beside our bed and pray. If you have a book that has made a difference in your life, please send me an email. I would love to hear from you. 1. All In – Mark Batterson You are one decision away from living a totally different life 2. Walking with God – John Eldredge Talk to Him. Hear from Him. Really. 3. Boundaries – Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend When to Say Yes When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life 4. Created to Be God’s Friend – Henry T. Blackaby How God Shapes Those He Loves 5. Broken Down – Paul David Tripp Living Productively In a World Gone Bad 6. Loneliness – Elizabeth Elliott It can be a wilderness. It can be a pathway to God. 7. The Insanity of God – Nik Ripkin A Faith Resurrected 8. Wild at Heart – John Eldridge Understanding the Secrets of A Man’s Heart 9. Attachments – Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Gary Sibcy Unlocking the Secret for Loving and Lasting Relationships 10. Broken Children, Grown-Up Pain – Paul Hegstrom, PH.D Understanding the Effects of Your Wounded Past 11. The Five Love Languages – Dr. Gary Chapman How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate 12. Having A Mary Heart in A Martha World – Joanna Weaver Finding Intimacy With God In The Busyness of Life 13. When God Stopped Keeping Score How to Break Free From A Past Filled With Hurt, Guilt, and Anger Through the Power of Forgiveness – R.S. Clark, M.Ed. The Bible is the most important book written and God’s instruction book to us on how to do life. We learn how to love, guard our hearts, pray, how to love and serve other people, develop relationship with God and serve Him, and much more. This is one book we ought not neglect. God speaks to us through His Word guiding and teaching us bringing us closer to Him. Brenda Luther Thirteen One Coaching...

Read More »

Is Fear Holding You In It’s Grip?

Posted by on Apr 17, 2015 in Action Steps, Obstacles, Personal Growth Tips, Spiritual Help

We set ourselves up for failure and do not realize it because of the fears and beliefs that we have buried within us. Is it that we have been taught that we are not good enough, perfect enough, pretty enough, not as smart as our siblings, or we were told we expect too much? Some of these fears are buried within many of us and we push them to the bottom refusing to let those thoughts and emotions see the light of day. Because of these fears and beliefs we learned or were taught as a child we experience guilt and/or anxiety. How do we overcome the fears and beliefs we hold within us? How do we allow them to rise to the surface? How do we expel them from within us? How do we turn those negative thoughts that keep us guilt ridden and full of anxiety into something positive within us? The decision to stop sabotaging ourselves and the desire to grow as an individual who wants to reach their God-given potential is key to overcoming those self-defeating fears and stopping the self-sabotage. I know a wonderful person that each time life appears to be moving forward and everything looks to be falling into place from my point of view looking from the inside out self-sabotages their life. This is destructive to our well-being, our peace of mind, and the life that God has designed for us to live becoming all that He wants us to be in order to do all that He has called us to do. Do you desire to move forward and become all that God who loves you so deeply desires for you to be? Is fear holding you back? We all experience fear but letting go and releasing your fears to God allows Him to come along side holding your right hand guiding you forward. What a joyous feeling to realize that God loves us so much that He cares about every little detail of our life. I don’t know about you but knowing and believing this gives me a feeling of relief and peace. I do not have to try to control the details of my life. He controls them all as I release all to Him. Life does not just fall into place over night. It is a continual growing process moving us forward as we surrender our fears and beliefs to God that trap us and hold us back from becoming all that we can be for Him. Today is decision day. Read  your Bible, spend time in prayer and conversation with God, share your story with someone you can trust and accepts you as you are regardless of the circumstances. If there is no one like that in your life and you need someone to share with, contact your pastor, a counselor, or a coach who can...

Read More »